But
I digress.
It’s
not that I don’t want to hang out with you – sometimes I might not want to hang
out with you on that particular occasion
however. But then again, sometimes it might be that I am avoiding you because the
event makes me feel uncomfortable or you do and I haven’t got the balls
gotten around to telling you yet.* Just being honest.
Again,
however, I digress.
It’s
not because I don’t like you; now that I think about it, there aren’t many
people that I dislike – just the actions
of those people sometimes. But ultimately, it all boils down to sacrifice and
the amount of things I’ve had to give up over the last year or so in order to
move forward with my dreams. Gosh, I sound like a sob story, don’t I?
But
you see, for the longest while, I was lost. Fresh into university, I had
already decided that I wanted to be a counsellor. Only, a brief stint with this
after graduation taught me that I wasn’t ready for something of that scale –
not yet anyway. So for a year or so, I wondered around lost trying to figure
out what it was that I should do with myself and then bam! In early 2012, I started to take steps towards TEFL.
I
only work part time so I make peanuts. I also, have bills – however minor –
that I must see to every month. So I’ve had to maintain my ‘control freak charade’
(and believe me, I’m very good at it) and manage my expenditure very carefully.
Every month, I set aside my bills, my transport expense and the money I
intended and still intend to save to make my dreams of teaching English
overseas a reality. Only a fraction of that is what I can spend on myself and
it usually goes towards food because let’s face it, a girl’s gotta eat.
I’m
sure you’re all nodding your heads and rolling your eyes thinking to yourselves
that everybody does this – or at least everyone with sense. Everybody has bills
to pay and obligations to meet. And everybody can meet them – you know, as long
as they’re smart. But I feel particularly strained because it’s a rare instance
that I can actually treat myself.
The
last time I bought an item of clothing for myself was December 2011. Don’t worry;
I’m not at the door of the poor house just yet. I have clothes. Some of them
are on their way out, but I have them anyway. I actually managed to buy myself
a video game over the Christmas holidays thanks to some wonderful family
members who treated me to a little extra cash. But then how could I not
remember the wonderful people at Shopto.net who reduced the game in price as
well. January sales for the win!
I
have to economise however. I buy mostly only what I need nowadays and when I
want/need something of superior expense, I have to save for it. So while most
of my friends would probably only have to wait a few weeks until their next pay
check, I might have a wait a few months.
I’m
basically on a budget. I want to save a certain amount by a certain time and
thus, I’ve set myself a personal target. In actuality, I was supposed to have
met that target by the beginning of this year, but extenuating circumstances –coughTESOLcoursecough- set me back a couple hundred. This means that in the
months to come, I may or may not still reject invitations to my friends, family
and what have you. But I just wanted to let everyone know that it’s not always
because I’m being awkward; it’s because I’ve got a goal I wanna reach. And if
that means that I can’t have as much fun as everybody else, then so be it. It’s
been a year; I could probably do another 6 months.
But
at the end of the day, I know that it’s not always gonna be like this. And
believe me, when I’ve hit my target – or if I mysterious come into money
tomorrow – I’ll be back on the shelf and raring to party. And I might even
surprise you with my own invitation one of these days when I’ve finally book my
plane ticket overseas. So watch this space. =D
*note:
this mostly applies so-called friends and acquaintances.
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