Date Experience ~ The First

It is common knowledge that when it comes to dating and romance in Japan for foreign (especially non-Asian) women, we have it harder. While Japanese women seem to fawn over our male counterparts, Japanese men are notoriously shy and some are even intimidated by us so the likelihood of being approached is a lot slimmer. We usually have to do the leg work. That said however, I actually was approached and ended up on an unlikely date of sorts so it isn’t entirely impossible.

If I’m honest, I didn’t actually realise it was a date at first. Or maybe it was just that I didn’t want to believe it but I should have known really. I met the guy in a club and he made it extremely clear that he fancied me. I remember finding him annoying at first because I don’t usually like meeting people in clubs. So his behaviour – to me – was like some sort of night-predator stalking its prey. Nevertheless, his antics soon shifted from annoying to hilarious, and by the end of the evening, I had given him my number. He texted me the following morning and we instigated a back and forth regime for three weeks before we met again – although I had stated that I just wanted to be friends.

Clearly, this was not the case for him however.

He picked me up in his car.

Yeah, I know. I got into a car with a stranger. But the journey we were going to make was not only going to take a couple of hours but would have racked up some serious expenses via public transport. I like saving money so I took a chance and let him drive us.

He actually opened the door for me if I recall and despite the language barrier – his English wasn’t so great and my Japanese was worse – we managed to communicate which was awesome. A friend of his had burnt a bunch of CDs for him as well so we had good conversation flowing and good music for atmosphere. We talked pretty much non-stop all the way to our destination and when we arrived, he insisted on buying me lunch and letting me take pictures.

While on a peer, I dropped my chopsticks and he got me new ones. He also insisted on walking on the side of the pavement closest to the cars; I think this was him being protective as this was constant on the date (and even in the club when another guy tried to move to me mind you). We checked out a shrine; I took more pictures and then we travelled to our second destination. Again, he insisted on paying for me. I tried to race him to the ticket booth but he wasn’t having it. More sight-seeing; more conversation; more jokes. He also showcased his confidence by bidding a couple of old ladies hello as we walked passed and navigating us safely back to his car.

Another drive led us to our third destination; I took more photos. Earlier, we had stopped off at a service station and he’d bought me a drink and at this time I had finished it. So while I took photos, he insisted on trying to find a bin for them.

He then drove me all the way back our meeting spot to which I began to notice how tired he was getting. After all, he’d probably spent the equivalent of four to five hours driving around. He would open the window to pump some cold air into the car in order to wake himself up but then worry about me because I was getting cold. I insisted he open the window though. What was more, a friend actually called him during this time to which he actually announced on the phone that he was on a date which made me tense a little. I mean, after all the buying stuff it should have been pretty obvious but I guess him saying it sort of made it seem more real.

We went to a Starbucks where I finally got to pay for something for him; I bought him a Matcha Latte. I said that I owed him but he said that he owed me for the drink and insisted more than once that he wanted to drive me to my house. I wasn’t comfortable with him knowing where I lived – which is also a bit stupid considering that I had actually gotten into a car with him – and plus, he looked virtually finished for the day. So I said I’d walk and bid him farewell; we parted at the station. He had asked me to message him to let him know I’d gotten home and I did. He responded when he got home and I did as well and then that was us for the evening.

As I sit here now though, I realise that I actually had a really good time but had failed to mention this in my message to him which might be why he virtually disappeared off the face of the earth. We even managed to talk about the differences between Japanese and English including things like intonation which I thought would be difficult to talk about considering the barrier. In all honesty, I think we surprised ourselves – or at least I was pleasantly surprised.

After the date however, I remember thinking to myself “what the hell have I done?” It was never my intention to become romantically involved with anyone out here – in fact, I had resigned myself to being single for my duration here; and yet, here I’d been…on a date. I felt bad because I felt like I’d led him on. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the attention but I was uncertain of him. I'm a tall woman and even taller by Japanese standards and he was a lot shorter than me (yes, even I am a little shallow). I also couldn’t escape the notion that all he was really looking for was a “good time” and that he was more than happy to "pay for it" (he could certainly afford it). The thing is, while it's a lovely thing when someone is willing to pay for you, I'm not used to being as spoiled as I was, and it makes me feel uncomfortable (and indebted). 

But I look back on it now and realise that besides these two concerns, there was nothing really wrong with him. He was polite to me; he had good taste in music; he was established (he was an architect) and above all, he seemed highly secure and confident – whereas I’m very used to attracting men who either lack confidence or have insecurities.

I’m still unsure of starting a relationship here as while I’m young, it won’t be long before I’m thirty and need to start thinking about other areas of my future more deeply. But I would have definitely liked to keep in touch with this one. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be…

Call of the Wild - Mating Season

It’s that time of year again folks.

That time of year where the clothes come off and the people can’t help but look and stare and gawk at what she’s got or what he’s carrying in hopes that by chance, they’ll be able to play that infamous game of one on one.

You know what I’m talking about?

And contrary to the abysmal weather we’ve tend to have here in the UK, we have actually managed to have a few sunny spots of late with people royally take advantage of it. Heck, nearby where I live, there’s a huge park so all the singles come out in their shorts and bikinis in hope of catching some sun, knocking back a few beers and playing a casual game of Frisbee. But underneath the furore, the childlike frolicking and happy chappy jumping and jiving, there’s that subtle undertone. Because we don’t wear sunglasses simply to keep the rays out of our eyes – no siree. Sunglasses have another use because we all know that we can’t help but check out that buxom beauty or that handsome devil knowing full well that they can’t see us stealing a glance…

…or several.

Yes, folks. Roll over Valentine’s Day! Because when the summer sun hits our shores, everyone starts looking a little more attractive. And we’re much happier too meaning that we’re a little more accommodating. Who needs alcohol really when the hot rays beaming down upon us raise our serotonin levels making us happier than normal, therefore generally more personable as individuals? So that guy who cracks a lewd joke or two in the winter might have been considered creepy but in the summer, he becomes cheeky, endearing, even possibly hilarious.

In fact, people are so hot on this idea of romance and getting together that our televisions are being graced with an influx of documentaries and reality television all about dating in 21stcentury England. And even though I’m single and loving it, this just happens to be one of my favourite topics so this is gold as far as I’m concerned.

But with the gold comes the silver and what stands up usually must stand down sooner or later because for those of us desperately searching for a mate, it can be a bit of a rough time. And similarly, those of us on the receiving end of those affections might find their experiences likened to swatting away flies.

We can’t all look like Barbie with her ample bosom, narrow waist and round pert rear, nor can we all look like an Adonis with his taut muscles, chiselled features and pronounced package, but that’s life and we have to make do with what we’ve got when we’re on the prowl. For some people, however, this simply will not do and that means going that extra mile to turn themselves into something that they’re not. After all, for men, it’s a competition and for women…it’s a competition. We go out of our way to make ourselves look attractive to the opposite sex – or even the same sex. And what I’ve come to find amongst my male friends and even family members, is that muscles make the man; muscles attract the women. Similarly, for us women – slimmer is better, boobies are bigger and youth will win you the hearts of everyone.

Right?

Possibly.

Probably though?

No.

You see, the other day I met the girlfriend of a friend of mine for the first time. Based on his own boyish good looks, I was expecting his girlfriend to look like a model, but the girl in actually looked relatively ordinary and surprisingly, this shocked me. I brought this to his attention because I’ve seen the kind of women who he often checks out and they look nothing like his girlfriend. His response was interesting though as he stated that while he might check out the standard “beautiful woman” once in a while, the type of girl he’d decided he’d take for his girlfriend had to have something…more.

And so while we’re all busy taking in the sun and gazing longingly at the people who’ve been dealt a better card in the physical department, we need to remember that looks look good…real good, but with time, they’ll fade and it’s what underneath that really counts.

Unfortunately though, some of us are just ugly inside and out. Some of us have no qualms with letting our arrogance shine through and these people really need to check themselves. Remember this post? I mentioned that companionship was one of the things that people were desperate for and that as humans who are social beings, this is relatively normal. Some of us, nonetheless, have no tact in terms of the methods we use to acquire that companion nonetheless, and there is no better example I could give you than yesterday when I attended my aunt’s birthday party.

The party took place in a bar and some of our party had gone outside. A group of men from a stag party a couple of doors down heard the music and thought that a group of young women standing outside having a drink was an open invitation; they soon invited themselves inside and when they saw a second group of women – these ones dancing - they couldn’t help but give us some ‘company’. Now, I’ll admit it. I’ve become a bit of a snob over the years. I don’t go to bars and clubs to get jiggy with men; I’ll go for my friends, for the music and the party atmosphere. I don’t really like talking to strangers and I certainly don’t like being touched by them. I find it very difficult to let my hair down when I can feel someone gawking at me and I can’t help it – I’m blessed; I have lumps and bumps in all the right places.

When the gatecrashers came, I wanted nothing more than to disappear, but it was difficult because I didn’t want to leave my mum on her own. (You know us women; we stick together). I will respond to questions but I can become very cold, I’ll make my excuses and then make a swift exit. Fortunately, they didn’t stay long, but it is this kind of blatant disregard that I do not like.

I saw this image of a friend’s facebook page:

Therefore, I’d like to say that just because a group of women are having a dance, does not mean they wish to have their space invaded. If a woman is alone waiting for a bus, does not mean she wants to talk to you. And even after you talk to her and she says “I have a boyfriend”, take the hint. She either genuinely has a boyfriend or she just isn’t interested and no, it does not mean she wouldn’t mind being your friend.

And ladies. Don’t think you’re off the hook either. Chasing a man who doesn’t want to be chased is not cute. He might take it as a compliment and toot his own horn with his friends, but that is about it. You will not wear him down. He has already made up his mind. And I don’t say this in judgement either because I have been there too.

So to everyone this summer, try not to lose your tongue as you salivate over all that potential. And try not to lose your mind either because intense heat can certainly play tricks on you.