Call of the Wild - Mating Season

It’s that time of year again folks.

That time of year where the clothes come off and the people can’t help but look and stare and gawk at what she’s got or what he’s carrying in hopes that by chance, they’ll be able to play that infamous game of one on one.

You know what I’m talking about?

And contrary to the abysmal weather we’ve tend to have here in the UK, we have actually managed to have a few sunny spots of late with people royally take advantage of it. Heck, nearby where I live, there’s a huge park so all the singles come out in their shorts and bikinis in hope of catching some sun, knocking back a few beers and playing a casual game of Frisbee. But underneath the furore, the childlike frolicking and happy chappy jumping and jiving, there’s that subtle undertone. Because we don’t wear sunglasses simply to keep the rays out of our eyes – no siree. Sunglasses have another use because we all know that we can’t help but check out that buxom beauty or that handsome devil knowing full well that they can’t see us stealing a glance…

…or several.

Yes, folks. Roll over Valentine’s Day! Because when the summer sun hits our shores, everyone starts looking a little more attractive. And we’re much happier too meaning that we’re a little more accommodating. Who needs alcohol really when the hot rays beaming down upon us raise our serotonin levels making us happier than normal, therefore generally more personable as individuals? So that guy who cracks a lewd joke or two in the winter might have been considered creepy but in the summer, he becomes cheeky, endearing, even possibly hilarious.

In fact, people are so hot on this idea of romance and getting together that our televisions are being graced with an influx of documentaries and reality television all about dating in 21stcentury England. And even though I’m single and loving it, this just happens to be one of my favourite topics so this is gold as far as I’m concerned.

But with the gold comes the silver and what stands up usually must stand down sooner or later because for those of us desperately searching for a mate, it can be a bit of a rough time. And similarly, those of us on the receiving end of those affections might find their experiences likened to swatting away flies.

We can’t all look like Barbie with her ample bosom, narrow waist and round pert rear, nor can we all look like an Adonis with his taut muscles, chiselled features and pronounced package, but that’s life and we have to make do with what we’ve got when we’re on the prowl. For some people, however, this simply will not do and that means going that extra mile to turn themselves into something that they’re not. After all, for men, it’s a competition and for women…it’s a competition. We go out of our way to make ourselves look attractive to the opposite sex – or even the same sex. And what I’ve come to find amongst my male friends and even family members, is that muscles make the man; muscles attract the women. Similarly, for us women – slimmer is better, boobies are bigger and youth will win you the hearts of everyone.

Right?

Possibly.

Probably though?

No.

You see, the other day I met the girlfriend of a friend of mine for the first time. Based on his own boyish good looks, I was expecting his girlfriend to look like a model, but the girl in actually looked relatively ordinary and surprisingly, this shocked me. I brought this to his attention because I’ve seen the kind of women who he often checks out and they look nothing like his girlfriend. His response was interesting though as he stated that while he might check out the standard “beautiful woman” once in a while, the type of girl he’d decided he’d take for his girlfriend had to have something…more.

And so while we’re all busy taking in the sun and gazing longingly at the people who’ve been dealt a better card in the physical department, we need to remember that looks look good…real good, but with time, they’ll fade and it’s what underneath that really counts.

Unfortunately though, some of us are just ugly inside and out. Some of us have no qualms with letting our arrogance shine through and these people really need to check themselves. Remember this post? I mentioned that companionship was one of the things that people were desperate for and that as humans who are social beings, this is relatively normal. Some of us, nonetheless, have no tact in terms of the methods we use to acquire that companion nonetheless, and there is no better example I could give you than yesterday when I attended my aunt’s birthday party.

The party took place in a bar and some of our party had gone outside. A group of men from a stag party a couple of doors down heard the music and thought that a group of young women standing outside having a drink was an open invitation; they soon invited themselves inside and when they saw a second group of women – these ones dancing - they couldn’t help but give us some ‘company’. Now, I’ll admit it. I’ve become a bit of a snob over the years. I don’t go to bars and clubs to get jiggy with men; I’ll go for my friends, for the music and the party atmosphere. I don’t really like talking to strangers and I certainly don’t like being touched by them. I find it very difficult to let my hair down when I can feel someone gawking at me and I can’t help it – I’m blessed; I have lumps and bumps in all the right places.

When the gatecrashers came, I wanted nothing more than to disappear, but it was difficult because I didn’t want to leave my mum on her own. (You know us women; we stick together). I will respond to questions but I can become very cold, I’ll make my excuses and then make a swift exit. Fortunately, they didn’t stay long, but it is this kind of blatant disregard that I do not like.

I saw this image of a friend’s facebook page:

Therefore, I’d like to say that just because a group of women are having a dance, does not mean they wish to have their space invaded. If a woman is alone waiting for a bus, does not mean she wants to talk to you. And even after you talk to her and she says “I have a boyfriend”, take the hint. She either genuinely has a boyfriend or she just isn’t interested and no, it does not mean she wouldn’t mind being your friend.

And ladies. Don’t think you’re off the hook either. Chasing a man who doesn’t want to be chased is not cute. He might take it as a compliment and toot his own horn with his friends, but that is about it. You will not wear him down. He has already made up his mind. And I don’t say this in judgement either because I have been there too.

So to everyone this summer, try not to lose your tongue as you salivate over all that potential. And try not to lose your mind either because intense heat can certainly play tricks on you.

The ESL Job Search Really Begins - Interview with ECC

Degree. Check.

CertTESOL. Check.

Money saved. Check.

Sheer desire to teach overseas and get get the hell out of the UK. Double check.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I attended my first English Language Teacher interview outside of the JET Programme.  

ECC are quite a well-known company both inside Japan and amongst the ESL community. In terms of negative press, there is very little on the internet and their benefits package, teaching schedule, locations...etc, is pretty darn good in my opinion so if you're looking to teach English in Japan,  definitely check them out.

As it's a Japanese company, we were instructed to come in formal dress. I don’t really own a suit, but I do have a blazer and a pair of trousers that happen to be the exact same colour. I also, had a shirt. So fundamentally, I wore a trouser suit – the exact same one I wore for my JET Programme interview…and parts of which I wore to my graduation.

Regurgitation for the win.

Money spent.

Zero.

As I wasn’t banking on London transport into the city, I decided to leave 90 minutes before I was scheduled to be there. I donned make-up, perfume, acquired a “handbag” – albeit, it’s actually more a practical bag that I take to the club sometimes (don’t worry; there were no sparkles) – and made my way down there.

I got there over one hour early.

Keen much?

So I took a walk around the area, bought a bottle of water because it was surprisingly warm that day. I showed a lost woman where a university was – my good deed for the day – and then rounded back to my interview location. I was the first to arrive and literally about thirty seconds after I entered the room, the door opened and more people walked in.

Sixteen of us arrived and the day began.

We spent the first couple of hours undergoing a presentation of the company. I think I made myself known from the beginning without even realising it and I wonder if my enthusiasm to answer questions or put my hand in the air might have annoyed people in the room – including the interview coordinators. It got to a point where one of them even looked at me expectantly for the answer when no one else sprang up to give a response. So yes, I felt like I came off like this:

while everybody else was like this:

Okay...not quite...but you get my drift.

What followed was a grammar test. We had been told that if we failed this test, we would not be able to progress onto the subsequent sections of the interview. A lot of us were bricking it and even though I had brushed up on my grammar a couple of weeks prior, when it was set in front of me, the nerves kicked in.

From what I can remember, a great bulk of the test was about indicating which words or phrases were incorrect in some way. There was a section on inserting the correct word into a sentence. There was a spelling section – I thank my lucky stars that I’d looked up some spelling a couple of days before. (The word “occasion” came up and I’ve spelt that word incorrectly for most of my life so I couldn’t help but smile when it was in there). There was a definitions section. There was a paragraph where we had to identify which word or phrase matched up with which particular term e.g. preposition…etc and right at the end, there was a matching task where we had to match a statement with a teaching method. I tore through the questions that I knew in 30 minutes and then went back and filled in the many blanks that I’d left behind. I then went over any one’s that I was unsure of, made some corrections, moved things around, panicked and spent the last five minutes checking my answers a second time. By the end of the test, I didn’t know what to think, but it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what “obloquy” meant.

We broke for lunch and I went to one of the branches of my place of work to get a soup. As I already work for them, I was entitled to a discount – but I didn’t have my ID card so no discount for me.

Bastards.

We came back and almost immediately, we were cut down.

Sixteen became ten.

Initially, I sat myself at a table with two guys. I looked down and the middle button of my shirt had come undone exposing the pretty blue bra underneath. I look back and think to myself – no wonder those boys looked incredibly uncomfortable.

Irrespective however, one of those guys wasn’t supposed to be there so we became nine. And then we were split into different groups and asked to generate a teaching demo of which we would each have three minutes to demonstrate.

I virtually improvised my insert and was told that my facial expressions were good.

I hadn’t even realised that I was making facial expressions.

There was feedback after every group and then we were cut again.

Nine became five.

This was the section of the day that I hadn’t prepared for in the slightest as I was too panicked about the grammar test more than anything else. So I was a little concerned. My interviewer asked me the standard “why us?” question and then decided to challenge me with questions pertaining to why I’d left it so long to apply for teaching work overseas considering that I’d done my CertTESOL back in September 2012. I answered that money was an issue and then he further countered it by implying that I could have gone somewhere else for much cheaper had I wanted. I answered that Japan had always been option number one.

I was asked about preferences of location and flexibility and whether I’d want to go back into psychology considering that it was my degree. I think I waffled a bit at this point and I look back and realise that I said things that maybe I shouldn’t have.

I didn’t get the job. I was devastated for the entire weekend as I realise that I wanted it pretty badly…even moreso than JET. I keep thinking to myself that maybe they thought I was false or maybe it was just highly competitive. My group was the last group to be interviewed in London and then the interviewers went on to Dublin as well. Maybe there were some really good specimens or maybe spaces were limited. Or maybe I just sucked and came off all wrong.

My advice to all the prospective teachers out there. Be yourself. Or at least, be the person you’d want to be in a classroom. I probably wasn’t perfect but I don’t think I could have done anymore…except maybe prepare a bit more for that one on one interview...or bought an actual suit.

Ultimately, nonetheless, I’ve picked myself up again. I’m still determined to find work overseas. I’ve actually expanded my search from Japan now so we’ll see what happens there. Who knows? Maybe I might end up in Hong Kong…or the Phillipines…or South America instead.

The world is my oyster, right?

Let’s Talk Stress ~ Dealing With Drama

There are times in life when you feel like this:

When you feel like the world and all its baggage is riding on your shoulders. And you think to yourself. Why me? It was all going so so very well. Why did the grief chose me?

Some of us are born optimists however – and even though you people are exceedingly rare in today’s world, you are the people that greet misfortune with smile. You are the people that look on the bright side and believe that a silver lining is coming for you. You are the people who I’d very much like to tear a limb off of.

Ah hem...

In all seriousness though, I salute you. I envy you, but I salute you because I am your polar opposite as I’m sure a lot of people are. I don’t particularly enjoy stressful situations and I am the first person to rip my hair out of my head when things go horribly wrong – sometimes I’ll blow a casket when things go just somewhat wrong. But as with most situations in my life that involve negatives, after twenty-four hours of brooding (sometimes even days depending on the scope of the problem), I find a way to bounce back. And you should too so here’s a little advice to you.

Take a load off…literally!

DO NOT keep the issue bottled up no matter how detrimental. Find someone and get it off your chest. People that feel like they can’t talk to family or friends have been known to take their problems to complete strangers. The internet is a phenomenal place. No one knows you really and there are forums and chat sites of all calibres (and I mean ALL unfortunately). Talk to someone. They might be able to help you put things into perspective and even if they cannot provide you with a solution – or even if you don’t want a solution – you will feel much better in having gotten it off your chest.

 Don’t be rash!

I don’t know about you, but at times I have a really bad habit of taking drastic action…or contemplating taking drastic action. I also know a multiplex of people who act too quickly without giving things much thought. They will say the first thing that pops into their head when met with a stressful or hostile situation and will more often, than not, regret it later. Give yourself a moment to actually digest what has happened. Offload – as I mentioned earlier. Scream bloody murder – just don’t act on it. Or try my next suggestion.

Find an outlet!

It’s happened. And frankly, as much as you wish it didn’t – the situation has arisen and you can’t take it back. So you need to find a way to deal with it. One of the ways that I deal with stressful or difficult situations is to write my thoughts down. If you’ve read this post of mine, you’ll know that I feel like I haven’t the closest relationship I could have with my family and at one particular instance I wrote a rather emotional letter to a cousin of mine which I never sent. When I revisited it for the first time, all those waves of emotion came flooding back, but recently upon finding it again, I found that I was able to delete it possibly meaning that I’ve managed to deal with it. If writing’s not your thing, find another outlet. Maybe something a little physical. I’ve heard boxing is a great way to relieve stress for both men and women. Or maybe take up something that helps you to relax. Yoga? Meditation? Pottery? Whatever you fancy – so long as it’s good for your overall well-being.

They’ve got feelings too!

So you decided to talk to somebody? But their words aren’t helping and you’re starting to find every little thing they do annoying. And then you can’t take them anymore and you bite their head off. I’ve had my head chopped off many times and I’ve probably done some chopping of my own as well, but let’s be honest with ourselves for a minute. Did they put you in that situation? Most cases are forgiveable but it still doesn’t give you the excuse to take out all your frustrations on the people nearest to you – and that goes for people physically near you as well. I’m sure that woman on the train didn’t mean to nudge passed you like that so cut her some slack.

Sleep!

As long as I can remember, whenever I’ve been seriously upset about something, I’ve simply gone to sleep. It could be broad daylight outside, but I would rather drift off into the land of nod rather than work myself into a blubbering frenzy. Considering that we need sleep to recharge our batteries as well as to work through all the animation we’ve undergone in the day, sleep is a great way to not only consciously get away from the issue momentarily, but to also, give your unconscious state time to work through the issue and potentially devise solutions to the issue and speaking of solutions…

Make a list!

There is almost always a way out of a difficult situation so why not make a list of possible solutions. Depending on the extent of the issue, even a little research wouldn’t go amiss. You’ll be pleasantly surprised what you might find. However, just be certain that whatever research you come up with is legitimate, viable and more importantly legal as there is a whole host of hogwash out there. Once you’ve got some ideas however, I would start with the most practical and leave the last resorts to just that.

Time is a Healer.

I cannot remember for the life of me who gave me this piece of advice, but it has served me well in a variety of situations. And truer words have honestly never been spoken. When a negative circumstance is fresh, it’s all you can think about and every time you think about it, it makes you feel even worse, but as the days go by, it’ll get easier to put things into perspective and to make sense of it all. Eventually, a solution will find you and the situation will finally become nothing more than a distant memory. Heck, you might even laugh about it.

~

  

So chin up because I promise that even though it may feel like your world has come crashing down. It definitely isn’t the be all and end all. How you deal with it and how you come out of it will ultimately, however, depend on you.

The JET Programme ~ The One After The Interview

Well, it’s been a long time coming and I’ve been avoiding this because I didn’t get the desired result, but I got a result nonetheless so I figure that it’s only right that I update you.

On the 15^th January 2013, I had an interview for the JET Programme.

On the 6^th April 2013, I received a large envelope indicating that I had been granted Alternate status. 

For those of you not in the know, an Alternate is a reserve/waiting list candidate. Alternates can be upgraded anytime between May and December of the same year (although in the UK, an upgrade after June is very unlikely) and are necessary because shortlisted candidates on occasion drop out for various reasons.

As I’d been following the forums the day before where masses of British folk kept stating that they were shortlisted – and therefore definitely going to Japan, when I received my letter, it virtually translated as “you were good – real good­…just…not good enough”.

What can I say? I was heartbroken. It’s like an A grade kid getting a B in their best class. It feels like you’ve been shot. And all the optimistic comments of “have faith” and “you’re still in with a chance” make you feel like gouging someone's eyes out.

I’d been due to go out for a work colleague’s leaving do that evening and didn’t even go to that to cheer myself up.

What equally frustrated me was the amount of paperwork we have to do despite the uncertainty of an upgrade. Collectively, I’ve spent over £150 on this programme already and considering that I was pretty much broke last year, that cut deep.

But even though I’ve submitted all my paperwork now, I’m moving forward. Currently, the Americans are getting their placement information – the cities and prefectures that JET will be sending them – and Brits will receive theirs in the post meaning that more upgrades will be underway.

Am I holding my breath?

Maybe just a bit. A work colleague told me my phone was ringing in the middle of my shift today and my brain immediately considered that it might be the JET Desk before I came to find that it was just a call from my mum.

Thanks mum.

Do you remember this post of mine? Well the Busy Bee Syndrome has been well and truly repressed now. Things have dried up on the tutoring front and I haven’t taught a lesson since last year. In fact, the only thing still consistent from that era is that I still have my CertTESOL certificate and I’m still doing my Japanese-English language exchange…which is more of an English-English language exchange these days as work has virtually sucked away all my energy.

But ultimately, now that I have my senses about me, I don’t think I deserve JET as much as some of the other people. I’ve heard of people crying in absolute disbelief upon hearing the news that they’ve been shortlisted and I’ll admit, I rolled my eyes thinking to myself “Don’t cry about it! Go out and celebrate!”. However, contrary to how melodramatic I might think these types of reactions are, I reckon these are the kind of people that probably deserve it because clearly they wanted it really badly. And as for me, I distinctly recall that during the time I put together my application for JET, I was thinking about my chances with another company.

Low and behold, however, I submitted an application to said company a few weeks ago now and received a phone call which culminated in them inviting me to interview.

I interview next month and have started preparations for it.

Wish me luck.

Judgement Day ~ A Precursor to Prejudice

I have a confession.

It isn’t often that I dress up. In actuality, I dress down far too often for a woman of twenty-five…and especially for a single black woman at that.

I also don’t care.

My friend once asked me why I don’t dress up and I responded by saying “what for?” I’m sure you guys could give me a thousand reasons why I should dress up, or why you can’t leave the house yourself looking anything less than stunning, but for me unless there’s a special occasion attached to it…or I feel like it, it’s probably not going to happen.

As you know, I spent over a year without any means of being able to buy nice things so I learnt how to simply get by on what I had. Thus, as I mentioned in my last entry, any shopping I’ve done recently has been more practical than pizzazz. The same goes for my hair. It’s never immaculate unless someone else has done it for me and overall I’m not a particularly feminine woman anyway if I’m honest. I used to be obsessed with jeans in my youth. Now I’m quite comfortable in a pair of tracksuit bottoms.

But we all know that the way you dress and, even clothes aside, the way you look can make people paint a complete picture of you without even knowing you. If you’re having a particularly bad day and you put your face in such a way, you must be dangerous. If you wear a cap low, you must have something to hide. Because as humans, we are full of prejudices and in a way, because of what’s happening in the world, the world in itself has shaped us to be so.

Take yesterday for example. It was wet in the morning so I donned my purple hoody, my coat, my snood and a pair of trainers – I would have warn my boots but I was worried the weather would change…which is did. So after work when the sun came out, I was still in my winter garb – British weather is so very unpredictable right now. Nonetheless, I was so tired on the way home (I start work at 6am) that I virtually plonked myself into the seat on an empty tube carriage and felt the weight of the day – heck, the week - accumulate on my person. The train proceeded to fill up, but even though I was half asleep, I started picking up on the fact that no one seemed to want to sit in either one of the seats beside me; in fact the seats beside me remained empty until I was ready to get off the train.

Usually when I get on a train that’s slightly packed, I will pick a seat that’s closest to me and sit there. So picture this. Excluding the two seats beside me, the row of seats on my side of the train, contain other people. On the row of seats opposite, there are two spaces available also with a person in between them, but a little bit to the left. A lady gets on to the right of me and decided that rather than sit next to me, she would trek along the train carriage, passed my two empty spaces and sit on one of the available seats on the opposite side as far away from me as possible. At the next station, a second woman claims the only other available seat contrary to the two seats still available next to me. Now, I know this is a pretty lame example and you’re all thinking I’m paranoid, but it really made me wonder – in my half asleep state – if I looked like some sort of vagabond or something.

Another example happened today. The weather was once again unstable so I donned another hoody, my coat, my snood and my trainers. I wrapped my hair in a hair wrap of sorts and went into Body Shop to buy some stuff for a good friend of mine. One of the workers greeted me and I asked her - rather politely I might add – if they sold any toiletry sets which contained perfume. So what did the woman do? She led me over to a section and showed me the cheapest item they sold. It was £7. I asked her if they had anything else and to add insult to injury she said this was the only thing they had and then quickly went away. Had I not perused the store myself, I probably would have walked out with nothing. But when I did walk out - after spending £20 - I couldn’t help but think that I had probably just been judged.

But we all do it, don’t we? We all look at people and the way they dress and immediately decide that they must be this sort of person and therefore, they should be avoided at all costs. A guy I used to know said that he used to be a bit of a Goth, but jacked it in because he got sick of people staring at him like he was Death incarnate. When I was at work the other day, a man came to the counter looking a bit rough and haggard, but he spoke the most articulate English I have ever heard and even cracked a joke with me leaving my prejudice hanging out to dry. And what about the girls we see walking about the streets with their boobs falling out of their tops or their skirts at the waist? We immediately equate that to attention-seeking; others will call them flat-out whores, but I know a girl who actually dresses just like that and she’s one of the nicest people I know.

We are so used to judging people based on what we feel is bad or wrong. A friend of mine does it because he feels that this is a way of protecting himself. And he’s not wrong to want to protect himself; we all wish to protect ourselves – and the people we care about - because there are people out there that do take advantage of others. There are people out there that do fit the equation, so to speak. And so we snap up our barriers and cross the road, or pretend we can’t hear or can’t see just in case. But in our conquest to protect ourselves and our nearest and dearest, are we actually in the wrong when we prejudge and make associations between certain people and certain things? Is it right to assume that all homeless people are drug addicts and alcoholics? Is it right to assume that all scantily clad women are skanks?

But what about the people that we don’t see? The people that seem relatively normal. The people that we might even consider attractive, when in actuality, they’re a little bit dangerous.

In my previous job, a lady walked in off the high street. She was well-dressed and very cheerful which made a change from the usual trouble-makers and time-wasters that would walk in. She sat down at my desk and expressed an interest in doing the Teaching Assistant course we had going, only after a while, she started telling me her life story which included very extravagant details about all the places she’d visited and some intimate details about her and her husband. She waffled on and on and ON for about thirty to forty-five minutes of my life and she was so engrossed in her own story that she didn’t even see me switch the forms right from underneath her. I knew she wasn’t mentally sound even when my supervisor “told me” that there was an “urgent call” for me. She waited and waited until I was “done” and then lapsed into more Tales of the Crypt before finally leaving.

She also came back about ten minutes later…

Ever heard of a corporate psychopath?  

These are the kind of people that more often than not, work in business. They’re quite charismatic, intelligent and charming, but will climb on your back or shove a knife in it to further their own goals. The corporate world is full of them and for the most part, a lot of them don’t get caught because people don’t make the associations between businessman/woman and psychopath. What’s more, they’re also, very good at talking themselves out of trouble even if they are identified. Nonetheless, they are very real, very competent and very crafty. They’re the kind of people that would embezzle millions into an offshore account in Sweden or something and pin the blame on that poor unsuspecting lacky who’s been working for the company for decades. I actually find them fascinating from a psychological perspective, but I’d never want to cross one because even though I like to think I’m sharp, I don’t think I could make the association either.

It may seem a little backward nonetheless, but I think we should all consider that not everything we perceive to be bad is actually so..and I don’t mean in the street-slang way of saying either. What I’m saying is that we should consider that not every person who’s mentally unsound is a danger to others. Not every stripper is a prostitute. And I promise you. Not every businessman/woman is out to get you.

But as morbid as it is to say…sometimes they are. So it’s for you to make the choice. Is everyone who doesn’t fit your definition of ordinary, a danger to you. Or are we all innocent until proven guilty?

One thing is certain however. From now on and probably until the end of time, we will all be guilty of prejudice.

Stay Safe! Stay Alert! And Whatever You Do...

Don’t die.

On a more serious note though, we live – or at least, I live – in a fairly dangerous society. People just aren’t honest anymore and in recent times, people have become extremely desperate. Oh, we’ve all done it. We’ve all kept that additional five pounds when the cashier at the shop has given us more change than they’ve realised. We’ve all told white lies once or twice in order to get ourselves out of trouble and some of us have gone that extra mile still – well on that road to hell. But some of us are just giant question marks.

I start work at 6am in the morning. I know - cue shock-horror-pain-spasm. So I have to wake up at 4.30am in the morning. On this particular morning however, we received a knock at the door. Now, I’m chickenshit scared because this isn’t normal. It has happened before in the past, but in that situation, the person knocked and then left. What was more, the house was in darkness at the time. As I’m awake, I have the lights on and this person is banging like they’re the police. I don’t answer the door, but fortunately, I don’t live alone and my mother enquires only for the stranger on the other side of the door to say:

“Sorry to disturb you, but do you have an iPhone charger?”

I had a serious “what the fuck?” moment when I heard this. It’s four-thirty in the morning. Why are you knocking on my door to borrow an iPhone charger? We don’t own iPhones anyway but I didn’t like this one bit. He even persisted to ask where he could find one and as such he was directed to the high road. Two second later, he’s raping the door with his fists again implying that we don’t need to call the police and that’s he’s a nice person. Cue “what the fuck” moment number two.

In conclusion, we’ve decided that he must have been a drug addict or something to that affect because knocking on a stranger’s door at ridiculous-o-clock in the morning for a charger isn’t normal behaviour. And even if you haven’t your phone and need to get home, a trip to the nearest police station should sort anybody out. What’s more, London isn’t a neighbourly culture anyway; my neighbours don’t even make such requests in the daytime so we’re thinking that this individual couldn’t have possibly been of sound mind to make such an unorthodox request.

I’m a little bit paranoid anyway. I usually wear my bag on one shoulder, but have a strong dislike of anyone standing directly behind me. If it’s crowded, I move my bag to the front of myself so I can see exactly where it is. I always put money away when inside a shop and hold my purse inside my bag if I need to use it, for example, when getting on public transport. I’m actually rather anal to the point that I even make sure that when carrying my bag, the zippers are close to my arm so that if anyone were to try to slip their fingers into my bag, I’d definitely know about it. Because theft and the like are commonplace things. There’s a show called The Secrets of Pickpockets which details all. In addition, a number of people that I’ve known – whether directly or indirectly – have been victims of such attacks and these things make me extremely weary.

And even the most innocent looking person could have an ulterior motive. For us British folk, I’m sure you’ve heard of the “ASBO granny”; for everyone else – ASBO stands for Anti-Social Behaviour Order, which is basically like a restraining order for people who commits numerous acts of…well…anti-social behaviour (I think my neighbours should get one for playing their music on a week day at two-thirty in the morning to be honest). Add “granny” into the equation and I’m sure you’ll get my drift.

So today, I ask you all to have your wits about you – even if you live in one of the safest communities in the world. You don’t have to be paranoid like me (I’d rather people leave me alone when I’m travelling from A to B or working out in the gym). But don’t expose yourself to danger. Don’t leave your belongings on display inside your car or fall asleep on the bus with your purse in your hand after a night out. (Ironically, I got the purse and the contents back – minus forty quid of course). Do yourself a favour.

Look out for number one.

The Biggest Fashion Faux Pas of Them All...

As with a lot of my entries, they’re generally inspired by a conversation or some sort of life event that might have befallen me. And this one will be no different because this weekend I had a fairly interesting conversation with a stranger about her job as an Assistant Merchandiser for a company which I forget the name of. She gave me the rundown of what she does but then mentioned that despite all the fashion relevant stuff she gets her fingers stuck into, she has absolutely no interest in fashion whatsoever. And this I found amusing because I know that I’ve tried to get in with a company that I had no real interest in at all, and pretty much fell flat on face trying.

But I digress. Spring will soon be upon us and with the turn of the season will come a brand new onset of fashion trends that have already hit the catwalks and will subsequently – if they haven’t already – start climbing onto the hangers of the nearest high street retailer. I can’t remember what year it was, but there was a time when the poncho was big in fashion. Some time before that, there was an emphasis on flares and flared jeans/trousers. Apparently, the checkered shirt has been popular for quite some time now. And does anyone remember when leggings came back in fashion? I believe that may have only been a few years ago actually but it just goes to show that despite the notion of trend setting, things often regurgitate and repeat themselves a little down the line, which leads me to wonder if there’s really a point to all this fashion mallark.

Now, I have a couple of friends who are strongly infatuated with clothes trends and ‘looking good’. They’re the kind of people that prefer quality over quantity – and spare no expenses in order to achieve their moral standards. And I understand this. Sometimes, it’s better to spend a bit more because clothing of a better quality is supposed to last longer…apparently. And I must admit that even I jumped on the bandwagon – to an extent - during my university years when I actually had money to throw around. Heck, without even realising it, I even started following the trend. Back in Spring 2010 (I think), I bought at least three pairs of high-waisted shorts when they were all the rage, but now the rage has turned its nose up and those high-waisted shorts are buried somewhere in the bottom of my wardrobe. But not forgotten. No way! I’m just waiting for the sun to come out because that’s when I’ll use them again. Over the years I’ve become a more practical consumer – I dress for the weather first and foremost. Looking good comes second.

Because yes, we all want to look nice – or our own definition of nice. When we go to a party or a job interview, we want to ‘look the part’ so to speak, but I’ve seen time and time again where people seem to sacrifice logic for this desire to ‘look good’. People see images on television or in magazines of super models and other celebrities looking their ‘best’ and want to look like that. So they spend ridiculous amounts of money on a belt and step outside in the snow freezing their knickers off in order to await the moment when someone comes up to them and says “you look nice”. Because we all gain gratification from compliments – even those of us that find them a little awkward. But some of us - more than others - like to be looked at; some of us like to feel like a million bucks or want to look like Michelle Obama. And so the cycle repeats itself because apparently, the clothes make the man….or the woman.

But what can we do but submit to what the world wants us to look like really? Because when the world says “snoods are hot; earmuffs are so last Saturday”, you can bet your cotton socks that finding earmuffs on the high street is gonna be a chore for you. After all, I once tried searching for a purple top when the season was red. I kid you not when I say that I searched the entire shopping centre – roughly 60 stores - and uncovered ONE top. Needless to say, my shopping experience that day was exhausting. But maybe I didn’t don’t have the correct  attitude towards shopping. After all, retail therapy is supposed to be about swanning about in no particular direction, seeing something you fancy, trying it on to see if it does you justice and then buying it for some unanticipated event. But these days, I‘m pretty quick about it. I often have an idea of what I’m looking for; I’ll dive it, pick it up and dive back out again – no time wasted. Five years ago, I needed a tracksuit. A quick trip to JD Sports and here it is, five years later. Earlier last year, I needed trainers. Thank God for the internet. That took even less time to buy still. But do you think I’ll ever be able to find those items again now? A cheap imitation maybe, but ultimately…probably not.

In fact, I remember having bought a pair of boots which I decided I would wear to a nightclub years ago only to be told by a supposed friend of mine: “you’re wearing those?” with a rising intonation on the end. The same girl told me a little later on that year that what I had been wearing the day we went shopping looked ‘nice’ and that I should “dress like that more often”. I fobbed it off back then but I look back on this now and think to myself what right did she have to approve or disprove of the way I dressed. She owned a leopard print coat for crying out loud. Oh don’t get me wrong. She had the right to dislike it, but to make me feel like there was something wrong with my choice of clothing – and as a friend as well – was not cool. But let’s not sugar coat it. We were never really friends to begin with anyway. We merely hung out with the same people and now we’re no longer in contact. Good times!

The point is, however, that as people we are constantly influenced – even without realising it – and some of us more than others. We are constantly told what we should and shouldn’t wear and as consumers, we buy into everything because the old gets old and the broken or tattered is useless; we don’t mend things anymore, we just toss it in the bin. Alternative, we seek the new and the shiny and these are reinforced by the faces of our favourite songs and movies. But ask yourself this. What’s the point of looking like someone else…or like everyone else really? Wouldn’t it be better to be different. To stand out? Think of the punk cultures of the 1980s. Or maybe that’s just it? We don’t want to ‘stand out’ – not really. We’re afraid to be a little different – to truly be stared at – and that ‘desire for attention’ – is nothing more than yet another method of fitting in with the rest of society.

By let’s push the psychology aside on this one, because clothing’s only surface material really. And at the end of the day, the gloves...and just about everything else - come off. Therefore, in my opinion, fashion’s biggest faux pas is in effect, itself. It seeks to set trends and tell people what to wear and how much to spend and it seeks to do it just about every year – heck, every season – in order to make money off of the strength of our vanity. But truthfully, no one has the right to tell you how to dress but you. So the next time you see a woman walking down the street looking a bit like a tart, don’t sneer at her. Maybe she likes the way she looks. Or some guy who's got a hole in his shirt? Maybe he’s not skint. Maybe he’s setting his own trend. All I know is – currently, I’m the most comfortable in leggings and tracksuit bottoms. And I may not always look the best to someone else, but I like it and truthfully, that’s all that matters.